From scott@houston.geco-prakla.slb.com Mon Dec 7 14:24 GMT 1998 Received: from pegasus.mobil.com by laghp001.lag.mobil.com with ESMTP (1.37.109.16/16.2) id AA140504164; Mon, 7 Dec 1998 14:22:44 -0100 Return-Path: Received: from mailman2.houston.geco-prakla.slb.com (mailman2.houston.geco-prakla.slb.com [163.185.13.214]) by pegasus.mobil.com (8.9.1/8.9.1) with ESMTP id HAA13592 for ; Mon, 7 Dec 1998 07:07:13 -0600 (CST) Received: from scott2.houston.geco-prakla.slb.com (mckinnon-pc.houston.Geco-Prakla.slb.com) by mailman2.houston.geco-prakla.slb.com (Sun Internet Mail Server sims.3.2.1998.08.21.19.14) with SMTP id <0F3L0079UIRF11@mailman2.houston.geco-prakla.slb.com> for gxobrien@lag.mobil.com; Mon, 7 Dec 1998 06:59:39 -0600 (CST) Date: Mon, 07 Dec 1998 07:02:50 -0800 From: Scott mackinnon Subject: Fwd: FW: "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy X-Sender: scott@pop.houston.geco-prakla.slb.com To: gxobrien@laghp001.lag.mobil.com Message-Id: <0F3L0079VIRF11@mailman2.houston.geco-prakla.slb.com> Mime-Version: 1.0 X-Mailer: QUALCOMM Windows Eudora Pro Version 4.0.2 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Status: R Content-Length: 7006 >Date: Mon, 07 Dec 1998 07:01:52 -0800 >To: rack05@yahoo.com, marie_dunn@hstn.pgs.com, hinnant@maurice.dowell.slb.com >From: Scott mackinnon >Subject: Fwd: FW: "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy > >>Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 13:20:06 -0600 >>From: "Hirtzel, Justin" >>Subject: FW: "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy >>To: "Poranski, Mary" , >> "Hamrick, Richard" , >> "Pierce, Duane" , >> "Smith, Rick" >>X-Mailer: Internet Mail Service (5.5.2232.9) >> >> >> >>-----Original Message----- >>From: Ron Ohrel [mailto:ROhrel@VACMC.ORG] >> >>Sent: Friday, December 04, 1998 12:05 PM >>To: 'Clarke, Sally'; 'Desai, Alka'; 'Eanes, Phil (work)'; 'Farneti, >>Terri'; 'Guns, Hal'; 'Guns, Kim'; 'Hirtzel, Justin'; 'Moeller, Jeff'; >>'Mollica, Jason'; 'Nelson, Rob'; 'Ohrel, Chris'; 'Ohrel, Jeff'; 'Ohrel, >>Jim'; 'Ohrel, Mom-Dad'; 'Shutty, Suzanne'; 'Sloan, Sharisa'; 'Sullivan, >>Marian'; 'Tatnall, Runcie'; 'Ward, Jennifer'; 'Ward, Todd' >>Subject: FW: "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy >> >> > >> > >> > >> From an actual newspaper contest where entrants age 4 >>to >> > 15 >> > >> were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy." >> > >> ---------------- >> > >> My young brother asked me what happens after we die. >>I >> > told him we get >> > >> buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our >>bodies. I >> > >> guess I should have told him the truth-that most of >>us go >> > to Hell and >> > >> burn eternally-but I didn't want to upset him. Age 10 >> >> > >> >> > >> When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. >>But >> > he better have >> > >> lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. Age 5 >> > >> >> > >> I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." >> > Unless it was just a >> > >> lawn mower. Age 11 >> > >> >> > >> I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint >>dry. >> > I imagine that >> > >> the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the >>only >> > source of water >> > >> for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets >> > drier, the population >> > >> gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water >>riots. >> > Age 13 >> > >> >> > >> I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that >>I've >> > found my dog. >> > >> Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already >>gave >> > away all of his >> > >> stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor. >>Age >> > 14 >> > >> >> > >> I believe you should live each day as if it is your >>last, >> > which is why I >> > >> don't have any clean laundry. Because, come on, who >> > wants to wash clothes >> > >> on the last day of their life? Age 15 >> > >> >> > >> Whenever I start getting sad about where I am in my >>life, >> > I think about >> > >> the last words of my favorite uncle: "A truck!" >>Age 15 >> > >> >> > >> It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the >> > president's birthday, >> > >> like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would >> > have a lot of people >> > >> voting for a candidate born on July 3 or Dec 26, just >>for >> > the long >> > >> weekends. Age 8 >> > >> >> > >> As you make your way through this hectic world of >>ours, >> > set aside a few >> > >> minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll >>have a >> > >> couple of days saved up. Age 7 >> > >> >> > >> Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part >> > about letting just >> > >> any old yokel vote. Age 10 >> > >> >> > >> Home is where the Home Shopping Channel is. Age 6 >> > >> >> > >> Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and >>thank my >> > teacher. That >> > >> is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. Age >>15 >> > >> >> > >> It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got >> > into an accident. >> > >> No, wait. That would be good because the blood would >>be >> > right there. Age 5 >> > >> >> > >> Give me the strength to change the things I can, the >> > grace to accept the >> > >> things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. Age 13 >> >> > >> >> > >> The people who think Tiny Tim is strange are the same >> > ones who think it >> > >> odd that I drive without pants. Age 15 >> > >> >> > >> I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out >>of >> > Halloween. Age 13 >> > >> >> > >> For centuries, people thought the moon was made of >>green >> > cheese. Then the >> > >> astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard >>rock. >> > Well? That's >> > >> what happens to cheese when you leave it out. Age 6 >> > >> >> > >> Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. >>Then, >> > imagine if you >> > >> had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than >>the >> > biggest number you >> > >> could come up with! Age 6 >> > >> >> > >> The only stupid question is the one that is never >>asked, >> > except maybe >> > >> "Don't you think it is about time you audited my >>return?" >> > or "Isn't it >> > >> morally wrong to just give me a warning when, in >>fact, I >> > was speeding?" >> > >> Age 15 >> > >> >> > >> Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a >>man >> > who had no feet. >> > >> So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really >> > needed them, right? >> > >> Age 15 >> > >> >> > >> I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a >> > singer as some people >> > >> think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he >> > sucks. Age 15 >> > >> >> > >> I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same moon, I >>think >> > to myself, gazed >> > >> at by Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato. I imagine they >> > appear beside me. I >> > >> tell Socrates about the national debate over one's >>right >> > to die and we >> > >> wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I >>tell >> > Plato that I live >> > >> in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, >>and I >> > show him a copy >> > >> of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have >>found >> > many more than >> > >> four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. >>I >> > get a box of >> > >> kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with >>wonder. >> > We spend the rest >> > >> of the night lighting farts. Age 15 >> > >> >> > >> If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and >> > visualize world >> > >> peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it >>would >> > be until the >> > >> looting started. Age 15 >> > >> >> ---- Scott MacKinnon Geco-Prakla NSA scott@houston.Geco-Prakla.slb.com Houston, Tx. USA GHDS01::SCOTT Ph. 281-596-1558 Fax 281-596-1550